Dog adoption Infomercial Script

We’ll create bad infomercials aimed at dogs where ‘a human’ is the ultimate cure for what ails them. Reference: The Snuggie

We open on black and white footage of dogs behaving stressed. They’re running in circles, jumping up and down, gnawing on furniture, and doing other weird things dogs do.

Voiceover

Are you stressed when you’re alone? Are you stressed when you’re not alone? Do new environments give you anxiety? Do you need more petting?

Don’t we all.

You, and millions of dogs like you, could be suffering from being - FRAZZLED!!

Cuts to a dog aggressively licking himself who suddenly looks up at the camera and tilts his head. 

Voiceover

That’s why we, along with evolution and tens of thousands of years of domestication, have created the perfect product for you. Introducing, The Human.

Cuts to a montage of people doing mundane things: Reading a book, staring at the microwave, doing their taxes, dropping mail into a mailbox, lots of cuts of people looking at their phone.

Voiceover

With over 100 billion created in the last 200,000 years these Homo sapiens are the perfect companions for the skittish canine.

Humans are perfect in reducing your stress to new environments, excellent at providing healthy food and shelter, splendid at engaging in regular exercise, aces at getting us proper veterinary care, and ideal at reminding us “Who’sAGoodBoy? You’reAGoodBoy!”

It’s also proven that gazing into a human’s eyes will increases a dog’s oxytocin levels.

“SCIENCE” STARBURST GRAPHIC

Voiceover

Since humans come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, there are plenty to choose from.

From young…

Cuts to young kids happily playing with a dog.

Voiceover

…to super active…

 Cuts to a human happily jogging who waves at the camera.

Voiceover

…to old…

Cuts to a man in who looks at the camera in shock when he hears the voiceover call him old.

 Old man

(confused) I’m 32?

Voiceover

That’s 224 in our years grandpa. But don’t listen to us, listen to this testimonial.

Cuts a dog barking.

DOG

BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!
(Subtitles: I got my human a month ago and I can’t live with out her, seriously, I’m a dog, I’d starve.

Voiceover

Question. How much would you pay for a human like this? $29.99? $19.99? $9.99?

Cut to a dog barking excitedly.

Voiceover

Wrong, if you act now you can get your own special human absolutely free! Because every good dog deserves their own human.

And, because buying people is wrong.

[awkward silence]

(Serious voice) Like, really, really wrong. (Looks off camera ashamed) Gary.

Cut to the dog that was barking excitedly now putting his paws over his face in shame. With the words “BAD GARY” flashing over it.

Cuts to final product shot of a human along with a fast voiceover disclaimer about getting a human.

Fade Out